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Is it Lust or Love - How to Tell the Difference

Posted on July 23, 2022 by Michael Crawford

Far too many people, both men and women alike, confuse lust for love. Physical attraction alone won't withstand the test of time in relationships. Physical attraction is an important factor but must never be the only factor you rely upon when choosing a mate. Many make the mistake of confusing lust and love and end up broken-hearted once the relationship does not last.

Perhaps you are wildly attracted to someone and thoughts of that person dominate your mind a great part of the day and night. Perhaps you can't wait until the next time the two of you will be together again. When you are together you can't keep your hands off one another and if you are apart, you fantasize about the next time you can see one another. True love and lust are easily confused because they are so much alike.

As a guideline, if you share few other pursuits and have nothing in common other than an overpowering physical desire for one another. . .it may be bliss. For those who have nothing of real value to say to one another and have difficulty relating to one another out the sexual arena. . .it may be bliss. If you do not particularly enjoy one another's company unless you are having sex. . .it may be bliss.

On the other hand, if your relationship is based on factors other than physical attraction and sex isn't necessarily the number one priority. . .it may be love. Most long-term relationships are based on a strong friendship that turns into love over time. Having sex isn't the driving force behind the relationship, but is a wonderful sideline to it.

There really is such a thing as "love at first sight". It happens to many people and the relationship may last for the rest of their lives. A budding relationship based on lust feels much the same as one that is truly"love at first sight". So how can you tell the difference?

Ask yourself the following questions. Read each question carefully and really think about it before answering. After answering, try to be as honest as possible. If you can honestly and sincerely answer"yes" to all or nearly all the questions, it may be safe to assume what you feel for another person is actually love and not merely lust.

Remember, these questions are very general and are in no way a total and complete checklist.

1. Can you share similar ethics, values, and morals?

2. Do you find it easy to talk to one another and can you talk freely about almost anything?

3. Do you enjoy the time you spend with one another, regardless of the activity?

4. Do you like even the most mundane activities when you are together, only because you ARE together?

5. Do you have a genuine concern for the happiness, safety, and well-being of another individual?

6. Are you able to work out any differences you may have with this individual to the satisfaction of both of you?

7. When disagreements arise, are you able to talk about them openly and frankly without losing your temper?

8. Do you find yourself yearning for this individual's presence in your life in terms other than a sexual relationship? To put it differently, do you feel a need simply to be with that individual and spend some time together even without having sex?

9. Can you laugh together and at one another, share jokes, and generally have fun together?

10. Does spending time with this person make you feel great about yourself?

11. Does this person give you a heightened sense of self-confidence and vitality?

12. Can you look at this individual even if they are at their worst in their physical appearance (such as when they are ill ) and not feel repulsed?

13. Can you share a strong mutual respect for one another?

14. Are you willing and able to share both good times and bad with this individual and work through life's ups and downs together as a team?

There's a really fine line between lust and love because the both of them are closely related. Being able to discern the difference can save you from wasting your time following an unhealthy relationship that's doomed to eventual failure.

If your long-term goal is to find a partner with whom you can build a good, lifetime commitment, understanding the difference between lust and love is an essential and vital skill you will want to master. Learning how to accept a relationship for what it really is can mean the difference between a broken heart and a happy, satisfying, life of bliss with your partner.